


Tabula Rasa

by blu_eyed_demon



Category: Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Amnesia, Blood Drinking, Crush, Izzy/Meliorn, Jace/Meliorn, M/M, Magnus/Alec - Freeform, Pre-Relationship, Protective Simon, Slow Burn, background unrequited Raj/Alec, memory spells, post season one
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-09
Updated: 2016-12-04
Packaged: 2018-07-22 10:38:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 15,668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7433297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blu_eyed_demon/pseuds/blu_eyed_demon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A few months after the events of season one episode thirteen, Simon is still exiled from the vampires but doing his best to get used to his un-life without them.  Then one night, he's driving along and sees someone walking along the street looking bloody and confused. </p><p>It's Raphael Santiago except it isn't anymore because someone or something has wiped his memory.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Blank Slate

**Author's Note:**

> Hands up, the premise isn't mine. I vaguely remember from reading Southern Vampire Mysteries about 5-6years ago at least of a character finding a mind wiped vampire on the side of the road. Beyond that, everything else is coming from my brain.
> 
> The updates aren't as quick as I'd like because I'm disabled and it affects my hands badly so please bear with me, the updates will come!

From the outside, Simon's van didn't much look like his van anymore. It had been given a completely new paint job, had the license plate changed and anything else that had once been identifying covered up or removed. The Shadowhunters had insisted that it not be recognisable as they didn't want any mundanes who'd known him in his life to get mixed up in the shadow world and end up, well, like him. 

It was painted dark now without any of Clary's graffiti art. She'd planned to give it a little personality but Alec had stopped her. Nothing that could draw attention of any kind, he'd said. That hadn't deterred the girls from using their steles to rune the van discreetly though. After all, their habit of using him as a driver (sometimes of the getaway variety) on missions had increased exponentially since his being exiled from his clan. It was cheaper to rune the van than constantly repair it, Izzy had reasoned.

This wasn't a mission though not unless his fortnightly run to one of the downworlder friendly butcher shops counted as a mission. It was more like his vampire grocery shopping really. This one he was doing solo, occasionally someone tagged along but that had mostly been in the beginning. After so many months, other matters seemed to pull their attentions instead. Not that he could blame them, collecting blood was hardly the highlight of his night either and Valentine was still very much a threat.

The route he had to drive was stupidly long in order to avoid any vamp or other downworlder territories that might take an offence to his passing through. That was the only reason he was even driving down the road that ran alongside Central Park. He'd just been wondering if somewhere nearby Izzy and Meliorn were secluded away when he realised he recognised the person walking down the sidewalk towards him. 

No, walking wasn't the right word. Stumbling, he was stumbling towards Simon.

The van stopped abruptly and Simon forgot to even shut off the engine as he jumped out and hurried over. 

The other man was an even more shocking a sight up close, Simon couldn't help gasping his name in appalled horror “Raphael?” 

Raphael stopped in his tracks, blinking as he looked at Simon with obvious confusion. Although he hadn't seen the clan leader for months, it was unmistakably Raphael even if he wasn't behaving like it. Simon knew his scent after all. He hadn't lived at the Dumort for long but when he had, he'd been wearing Raphael's clothes, training with him every night and growing to like him. A lot, actually. 

So a demon wearing Raphael's face had no chance of tricking him. This was the real deal. The man he'd been crushing on and forbidden to see for so long. 

Liking Raphael had been just as bad as being in love with Clary for all those years. A frustrating ache in his chest and the constant feeling like he was making a fool of himself. Raphael rolled his eyes, called him an 'idiota' and 'Babyvamp' in a patronising way but then he also kept wanting Simon to come back, called the hotel and clan Simon's home and family and had looked so damn hurt that night they'd broken out Camille. He'd never really knownwhat to think or where he stood until he was banished. 

The man that stood in front of Simon though, Simon barely recognised him.

Raphael's eyes were wild, unfocused and scared looking. He was covered in smudges and smears of blood, he wore only his dark jeans with the chains on them and a dark shirt that was more open than Simon had ever seen him wear mostly because half the buttons seemed to be missing. The material was full of rips and tears with flashes of blood underneath. He was barefoot too, blood and dirt clung to them looking nasty. If he wasn't a vampire there would have been a horrendous infection in Raphael's near future. 

Clearly he'd been in a fight and had then done what? Gone walking barefoot and disheveled aimlessly through New York? They were nowhere near the clan's territory so how far had Raphael walked? His feet looked torn to shreds so either a long way or he'd taken a pretty painful route. 

“Raphael, what happened to you?” Banishment be damned, this was neutral ground and Raphael looked like he needed help. Simon had missed him, missed all the vampires but Raphael the most. Of all the possible reunions he'd imagined lately, this was not even close.

“I, I am Raphael?” 

Simon was trying his best not to freak out but hearing the question shocked him and Raphael's voice and manner even more so. Raphael was obviously startled by Simon's sudden appearance, he sounded so young and confused. He didn't sound like the Raphael that Simon had been getting to know.

Could vampires get concussed?

“Wha, y-yes, yes! Of course you're Raphael! Who else would you be? You're Raphael Santiago and I'm Simon, Simon Lewis. What happened to you? Who hurt you like this?” He fought to keep his voice steady because Raphael looked like he might bolt at any moment and right now he seemed like easy pickings for any vampire who had a grudge. 

Like Camille. 

Though his heart no longer beat, Simon could swear he felt it clench at the thought of Camille finding Raphael alone in this state. Then again, maybe she was the cause of it. Surely if Camille had been involved though, Raphael wouldn't have escaped with his life. 

“I only remember walking like this. Anything before is darkness.” Raphael told him, sounding wretched. “But we are friends? You know me?” 

“Yes.” He was choosing to only answer the latter question because the first was just way, way too complicated in a situation that was already bizarre.

And to make the situation all the more weirder, Raphael looked relieved. Pleased even. 

Simon thought his head might actually explode soon.

Raphael Santiago had one of the best poker faces he'd ever seen but right now? It was like that filter had been taken away and, despite the situation really warranting it, somehow his general sarcastic grouchiness wasn't there either. It was unnerving to see him like this. Vulnerable and yet trusting. He simply accepted that Simon knew him and wouldn't harm him.

This was, clearly, going to get complicated. Just as everything had been since Clary's birthday. 

“Come on,” He motioned with his head towards the van. “We need to get out of here.” 

Simon only took one step towards the van however before whipping around again. Raphael had taken in a sharp pained gasp but when he turned he couldn't see an obvious horrific wound to be the cause. Raphael was covered in cuts and bruises but this was a man who'd laughed when Simon had thrown a knife into his chest. 

He followed Raphael's gaze downward and realised that his feet were still bleeding freely, they were a mess and that had to be agony to stand or walk on. It looked like he'd walked through glass or something at some point. 

“Um, ok, if you want you can lean on me or, um, I could carry you? I mean not to like to demean you or baby you but see I remember this one time I stood on a nail as a kid when Clary and me were exploring an abandoned building and it was the worst. Like, literally, until the whole you know everything with you and Camille lately I never felt a worse pain so that's why I thought maybe carrying because Clary carried me.” As he paused to draw breath, he realised Raphael was staring at him in complete confusion. If he was really having an episode of amnesia he probably had understood even less of Simon's ramble than he usually did. 

Simon took a deep calming breath. The action still helped even if he didn't need the oxygen. He really hadn't meant to ramble but, wow, Raphael in his arms? That wasn't exactly something he'd ever bargained on experiencing for real.

“I think it would be best, yes. Carrying me, if you don't mind. Thank you, Simon.” Raphael's hand reached out to Simon's arm, apparently completely unaware that the jacket he was touching was actually his. Simon hadn't wanted to stop wearing it, he knew that was kinda weird but it was all he had left of the vampire clan that at one time could have been his new family. 

And it was Raphael's. That probably was the main reason if he was honest. 

Vampire strength meant that it was easy to lift Raphael and carry him the few steps to the passenger side of the van but it being easy didn't make it any less weird.

Once he'd gotten the injured vampire seated in the van, Simon started to straighten up and again only to find Raphael holding him in place. 

“Thank you,” He said again and it was really, really unnerving Simon now. Part of him couldn't help thinking that this must be a sick joke on Raphael's part but surely, surely Raphael's personality wouldn't allow himself to be carried by a fledgling and then thank him for the sake of a silly prank or trap.

Simon noticed too, Raphael's accent was more prominent and had been the whole conversation. Did that mean he consciously made himself sound more American than he actually was and had now simply forgotten to do it? Interesting. 

“You must be a very good friend.” Raphael decided, bringing back Simon from his musings on how Raphael apparently losing his memory was actually teaching him more about the clan leader than ever. 

“Why do you say that?” He felt a little guilty now. This Raphael had no clue that he was praising someone who'd betrayed him. He had no idea that Simon wanted desperately to be accepted by him again, that 'friend' was an untouchable goal for him these days. All the gratitude just made him feel terrible. He'd wanted Raphael to accept him but not like this.

“Because you care so much. You look more scared than I feel right now.” Simon found himself startled again. This was Raphael and yet it wasn't. So much of the personality and person he knew was informed by life experience and memory. Now Raphael was a blank slate. 

It was actually scary that this could be done to someone, a lot of power must be used to wipe all the years of a vampire's memory away.

“We're gonna get you some help, Raph.” He ultimately said and moved back a step.

Simon sighed when all he got was a nod in return. He was missing the old customary reply of 'My name is Raphael and you would do well to use it, Baby Vamp.' as he swung the door shut. 

Moments later he was driving again though this time he was feeling tense. Everytime he thought he was getting the hang of living in the shadow world, something happened to tip everything upside down again and leave him reeling. 

He flicked the radio on to avoid silence, it was still set to a local Latino station that he and Isabelle liked singing along with. Simon found himself smiling a little as he noticed when they were waiting at the lights that Raphael seemed to be listening and understanding it. So, he hadn't lost his mother tongue. 

It was a little odd, in Simon's opinion, what Raphael could and couldn't remember but a completely blank slate would have just left him a new born baby in the body of a vampire and that was something too horrific for Simon to think about. 

They got back to the Institute in record timing. No road laws were broken in this feat but a lot of them had been bent quite significantly. Not that the mundane police would be able to track him anyway. Luke might chew him out until he explained the situation, then again given his feelings on Raphael maybe he'd still chew him out over it.

Still sat in the van, he took out his phone because while Magnus had amended the wards so that Simon was included in the little loophole that allowed Magnus to come and go without setting off sirens this situation had never been considered: Simon bringing a downworld guest home with him. After all, he was an exile from his own kind and apparently the rest of the downworld looked down on him as the 'Nephilim's pet' accordingly to one of the younger girls in Luke's pack.

And so since he had this unprecedented company, he figured warning the shadowhunters might be the best idea just in case one of the over eager newbies fresh from Idris decided to lynch Raphael and ask questions later. 

Since he knew nearly everyone had plans that night, he searched his brains for who had picked up the night's supervising shift. Ah, of course. A few months ago he'd never have dreamed of calling him or even smiling in his direction but, oddly, they got along pretty well. 

“Hey Raj, got a weird problem right now,” He started when the shadowhunter answered on the second ring. 

The odd friendship had struck up because Raj had trouble sleeping a lot and Simon was usually in the kitchen microwaving a mug of blood when Raj would stumble in either having given up trying to sleep or having just come back from pummeling things in training to try to tire himself out. 

At first it had been frowns and awkward silences between them but the ice had melted in the end and they had developed quite the rapport. They both knew what it was like to harbour hopeless crushes, they both had experiences that haunted them and it turned out that Raj had a weakness for Star Trek. Bonding over sci-fi was the best kind of bonding if you asked Simon.

“Yeah, I know. So if you could keep the calm while I get him to my room that'd be great. I'd owe you, oh he is? Are you sure you wanna do that? Right. Great ask him to come by if, you know, it's not awkward to find him. You rock, dude.” 

He hung up and turned to Raphael now that he had a game plan. It might be super awkward for Raj to try disturbing Alec and Magnus but he'd pay him back in beer or a movie marathon or something like that. 

Simon did feel a little bad though because why hadn't he thought of Magnus sooner? Raphael had a friend who could use magic, why hadn't his brain reminded him of that information before now? Either way, Raj's suggestion did make him feel less worried for Raphael. It might take a while but there was nothing that Magnus couldn't fix, he was certain. 

Raphael though, he suddenly realised, was eyeing the Institute with apprehension. 

“You ok, Raph?” He didn't immediately get a response, which made sense and all since the other man was no longer used to his own name. “Raphael?” 

“Why are we at church?” Raphael's eyes were wide and he looked so young and terrified that it made a lump form in Simon's throat for a brief moment. “Am I possessed? Is that why I don't know who I am? I need an exorcism?” 

He hadn't known his own name and yet somehow his Catholic beliefs were still in there somewhere. Whatever had happened to Raphael's mind really had no rhyme or logic to it. 

“No, no, this isn't really a church it just looks like one.” He told Raphael though the other man still looked doubtful and scared. “Hey, Raphael, look at me? Please?” 

He waited until their eyes were locked before continuing “I live here, ok? It's just the outside that looks like this. I would never take you somewhere where I thought you'd get hurt and I don't think you're possessed either. We'll figure this out together.” 

“You promise?” Raphael suddenly reached out and took a hold of Simon's hand, startling him yet again.

Holding hands with Raphael Santiago in a dimly lit van. It sounded more like the start of one of his daydreams rather than a thing that could actually happen. That was happening.

Squeezing Raphael's hand gently and feeling Raphael's grip tighten in response, Simon nodded “Yeah Raph, I promise.”


	2. Revelations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally an update! 
> 
> My apologies for the time away but as I warned in my notes last chapter I'm disabled and it affects my hands a lot. I've had a lot of days lately when I couldn't write my name with a pen let alone type a fic! Still, I'm hoping the 10 1/2 pages I've managed to slowly put together since my last post make the wait worth it.
> 
> Thank you so much for the kind messages, comments and kudos'. They mean the world to me, though fyi I do have a plot planned for this so no need to suggest em but I appreciate the enthusiasm! :D

Ultimately, they didn't end up in Simon's room but in the infirmary. It was more sensible, Simon had to admit, even if it had been a more public route to take. 

Raj had led the way, sending warning looks to any shadowhunters who were staring at the sight of their resident vampire carrying someone covered in blood but Raj's attempt hadn't really killed the staring that much. 

That ordeal had made the already frightened and lost feeling vampire in Simon's arms even more scared and self-conscious which meant Simon then had had to deal with Raphael hiding his face in his chest. If there was a God, she was really testing Simon tonight. (He and Clary had decided years ago that God must be a she, much to the horror of the Lewis family's Rabbi)

Now he had Raphael sat on one of the infirmary beds and between him and Raj, Simon though they were doing a pretty good job of cleaning up the vampire. They'd just finished bandaging Raphael's feet because whilst, yes vampires have fast healing, Raphael was bleeding again from all the nasty sharp things they'd pulled out and he didn't seem to be healing anywhere near as fast as he should be. 

“Maybe, maybe he hasn't fed tonight?” Simon suggested, neither he nor Raj were experts in healing vampires. In fact when Simon thought about it, Raj probably knew a lot more about doing the total opposite.

“I'll grab something, hold tight.” He felt Raj pat his shoulder. “You better check out the chest wounds too.” 

Simon could feel himself flush at that suggestion. Shirtless Raphael. Touching shirtless Raphael. Whatever the scenario, it wasn't something he'd ever expect to happen. And Raj knew that, this was probably revenge for being made to knock on Alec's door. Incidentally Alec and Magnus had no longer been in there and they'd had no luck in trying to contact them. 

“Hold on, Raj. You at least have, like, first aid training right? I should go get the-” Raphael was suddenly grabbing his wrist so tight that Simon was surprised it hadn't instantly broken. Apparently Raphael didn't even know his own strength anymore. “What? What's wrong?” 

Raphael stared at him, eyes serious and unblinking but didn't answer the question. 

“I'll be back.” He heard Raj chuckling, footsteps moving away. 

“Not the chicken, he's fussy.” Simon called after him, doing his best to ignore Raj's snort as he kept watching Raphael. “You ok now?” 

The older man nodded, releasing Simon's wrist from his grip. “Sorry.” 

“Please, stop saying that.” It slipped out before Simon could prevent it. Seeing Raphael looking at him in mild confusion, Simon sighed “It's not what I'm used to from you, that's all. It's kinda weirding me out.”

“Oh.” He frowned a little.

“So, uh, anyway, the chest wounds?” Simon prompted because he wanted to get that part over with before Raj could come back or any other of his friends turned up and got a kick out of his blushing. The glimpses he'd seen thanks to the tears in the material and missing buttons had already made him stumble on his words a few times. 

Raphael was oblivious to it though, apparently, as he pulled the ruined shirt up over his head and Simon had to clamp his mouth shut to both muffled his gasp and hide the fact that his fangs had popped out. Yeah, he was still struggling with that little problem. 

From training back at the Dumort, Simon knew that Raphael was pretty fit but this? The man was buff, as the girls would say. Sure, he spent time around so many shadowhunters who all looked like they'd been sculpted but Raphael? Holy shit.

Even despite the maiming. He was covered in dried blood, what looked like claw marks, slashes, a nasty bite out of his left shoulder and what looked like a small cross shaped scar but still his body was gorgeous. 

'Oh fuck, maybe,' Simon thought,'Maybe I'm in deeper than I thought.'

Shit, Raphael was talking to him. 

“Does it look that bad?” Raphael turned his head. “It's hurts but I can stand it. Not like, like when he was...” Raphael motioned to the empty space where Raj had been. 

It took a moment but he managed to get his fangs to pop back. It took a lot of trying to think of unpleasant thoughts, like the last time he got stuck in conversation with Maryse Lightwood, to get them to go. 

“Raj? What did he do wrong?” He was pretty sure that Raj wasn't the trigger happy lynch any defenseless vampire kind of Shadowhunter but there was a genuine worry coming from Raphael in waves. Not just his tone and expression but Simon could smell the distress coming from him. Vampire noses were stronger than human though nothing compared to werewolves. Even with his limited training he could pick up spikes in emotion and so on pretty easily nowadays. When he remembered to pay attention to his new senses, that was.

“No, not him. I, I don't know what was happening.” Raphael shook his head as Simon used a fresh, warm cloth to get rid of the dried blood. He needed to get an idea of how badly Raphael was hurt and how well or not he was healing underneath.

“Simon, I, I think you were wrong. There must be something wrong with me because I'm fine now, I'm ok now but when he was here all I could hear was this rushing sound and thumping and, and something was coming over me. It was almost overwhelming out there,” He motioned in the general direction of the main hub of activity of the Institute. “But with you I am fine. I wanted to do something to him, your friend and, and I don't know what but it felt violent and bad. I must be possessed by a demon.” 

Simon froze as he was, half knelt in front of Raphael with the cloth forgotten in this hand. Jesus fucking Christ on a cracker, it hadn't occurred to him that mind-wiped Raphael wasn't even aware that he was a vampire. Then again, how many people with amnesia would be able to make that conclusion about themselves? 

He took a breath, trying to figure out the right words to explain this since he remembered Raphael telling him just after his change that he'd taken it badly himself in the beginning too. He'd been trying to comfort Simon on his first night in the Dumort and now, it seemed, it was his turn to reassure Raphael. 

“You're not bad or possessed Raph, I promise.” He told Raphael firmly, throwing the bloodstained cloth in the trash. “You're-” 

“Muy caliente!” Izzy's voice cut in, and Simon had somehow not even heard the telltale click-clack warning. Raphael really was a distraction. “Vampire's got abs!”

Raphael's eyes went wide, he'd been startled at Izzy's arrival but at the word vampire he looked downright horrified.

“Worst timing ever, Izzy.” Simon told her, teeth gritted a little and automatically reaching out to hold one of Raphael's wrists in case he bolted in panic. 

“Vampiro? Did she say vampire, Simon?” Raphael's voice was wavering, going higher as he shook his head in disbelief. “I, I can't be, can I? Am I a vampire?” 

“Ugh,” Another voice cut in, Clary had joined the scene but Simon didn't greet or even look at her. “Raphael, that's sick. I don't care why you're here but making fun of Simon's first minutes as a vam-” 

“Clary. Stop.” Simon didn't think he'd ever used such a firm, harsh tone with his best friend but he felt justified. She didn't understand what was happening here, he wasn't going to let her upset Raphael when he was already so distressed.

“Think, uhhhhhhhh, think Buffy! You know, season six. Joan and Randy.” He said by way of explanation before shifting his entire focus to Raphael. In that moment nothing in the world mattered more to him than the man in front on him. 

Still kneeling, he took a hold of Raphael's hands and told him “Yes. Yes, you are a vampire Raphael and I am too.” 

Raphael was shaking his head looking horrified and Simon was searching for the words to fix this, to make this right. 

“You saved me.” Was the first thing that tumbled out of his mouth. It was true really, he'd credited Clary and Jace so much, too much in hindsight, but really without Raphael Camille would have killed him and gotten rid of the body. He owed Raphael everything. “You are not evil. You are not a demon.” 

Raphael was looking at him with the strangest expression. Like he wanted to believe Simon but couldn't see how it was possible. 

“You are a good man who happens to be a vampire, I believe that because I've seen it. You have saved me over and over, you did what you could to keep me alive when you barely even knew me.” Simon pushed on, almost desperately.

He remembered how Raphael had confided in him that he had tried to throw himself to the sun after being turned, they'd been talking about Simon's own struggles and he had been trying to comfort him. Now the positions had been reversed and Simon was so scared that if he said the wrong thing then Raphael might try to meet the dawn again. 

“Raphael, you found me after another vampire-a bad one, one you'd been trying to stop- had finished drinking from me and left me. Just dumped me on the floor to die.” Simon continued, he'd never shared this part of the story with anyone not even Clary. He'd liked that he and Raphael had known and no one else. It was his death, a private and intimate moment. 

The girls had moved at some point to one of the empty beds behind him and he could hear their soft gasps of shock. Raphael had suddenly gripped Simon's hands in return and was holding them fiercely tight. 

“If it hadn't been for you I would have died alone there but you found me and you told later that at first you thought I was gone and you were so angry at that vampire and at yourself for not getting to me sooner. Someone who was evil wouldn't have cared that much.” Simon told him earnestly, of course Raphael had cared about a human life lost and the broken accords not Simon as a person. At least, he didn't care in the way Simon had grown to care about him but he has cared and that was all that mattered.

“You told me this because I was remembering little bits here and there of my last moments alive. I remembered you carrying me and running like the wind through the streets. I died in your arms Raphael and you comforted me and made me as comfortable as you could. You made sure I knew I wasn't alone and you promised you'd take me to here, to Clary.” He broke eye and hand contact briefly to point out Clary to Raphael, trying to ignore the faces of the two girls. This was part of the reason he hadn't spoken to either of them about it, not just wanting to keep it between himself and Raphael but because they both still blamed themselves for his death. 

“Raphael, before I died you fed me your blood and said you would bring me to her because she's my best friend and would know what I would want. You said that you couldn't bear to force it on me. You are a good man, a good vampire.” If Raphael didn't believe him now, he didn't know what to say. “You saved me over and over and then you saved me from a cold and lonely death. I died in your arms and it was peaceful, I was at peace. You did everything in your power to make it a good death.” 

Silence. 

He was used to deafening silences after one of his mammoth run on speeches but this one felt especially tense. 

Raphael nodded, ultimately deciding to accept Simon's story as the truth. Well, that was something at least. 

There was another long moment of silence as he and Raphael simply held hands and behind him, Simon could hear the girls sniffling and trying not to cry. Ordinarily he would hug them and remind them again that he didn't think they were to blame but Raphael needed him more. He'd hug his favourite girls later.  


“You really remember nothing?” Clary asked when Simon finally went back to cleaning up the nasty bite on Raphael's shoulder. 

Raphael gasped and swore suddenly but didn't flinch. 

“Sorry, I'm sorry but have to do this ok?” Simon rubbed Raphael's bicep gently, apologetic and soothing. Then he added in a louder voice to the girls behind him. “Do Shadowhunters have books or whatever to explain why a vampire would stop healing?” 

“Some demon bites have venom that causes all kinds of problems, the bite pattern should help narrow it down. Lemme take a look.” Isabelle was coming up behind him, Simon was aware of it but more so about the way Raphael was reacting. 

Blindly Simon flung out and arm to stop her in her path. “DON'T.” 

“It's ok Raph, I know the feeling really well. Raj will be back soon with the blood and you'll stop feeling like this. Promise, it'll pass.” Simon tried to sound soothing as he spoke to the vampire that was obviously distressed by his own murderous impulses. A feeling he knew only too well. 

“I don't want to hurt her, don't let me hurt her Simon.” Raphael's hands were gripping tight at Simon's shirt. 

“Wow, you really aren't yourself are you?” Simon felt a spike of annoyance at that, Raphael had never been anything but diplomatic and he'd only ever attacked when the shadowhunters and Simon had broken in to steal Camille. He'd only ever defended his people, his home.

“Not helping Clary.” Simon told her sharply, still without looking. Raphael was obviously so scared, was making it worse really necessary? 

Clary, it seemed, had been stunned to silence and his hearing told him that Isabelle had moved away as asked. It sounded like she was flipping the pages of something. 

“Could a demon cause the poor healing AND the amnesia?” Simon's own hands were on Raphael's scratched up and very toned biceps, try to support and soothe the older vampire as he fought the strong desire to jump the girls. 

Isabelle's answer was lost when at the same moment, Simon and Raphael caught the scent of the mugs of warmed blood that were approaching. 

When Raj came in view, he was carrying a tray with several mugs. As soon as he caught the scent, Simon realised he hadn't fed in hours himself.

Raj was smirking as he put the tray down on the sickbed next to Raphael. His eyes went to Simon's hands on Raphael and Raphael's on Simon and then to Simon's face again as he smirked. 

Simon pointedly ignored it and reached for a mug. Raj had made four presumably anticipating for very hungry vampires. 

He said some sort of thank you though Raj had already moved on to join the Serious Shadowhunter Talk ™ happening in the corner with Izzy and Clary. 

Which just left him and Raphael as he held out the mug of body temperature blood and Raphael eyed it suspiciously. Simon could see he was ping-ponging between hunger and disgust, a state he remembered all too well. 

“You can do it,” Simon assure him as Raphael slowly accepted the mug. “I know it's hard but you've been doing this for a long time. And it might help with the pain too.” 

He took his own mug and started to drink slowly. After a hesitation, Raphael followed suit. He winced at the taste repeatedly despite gulping it down hungrily. Their eyes stayed locked and every time his disgust seemed to start to win out over hunger, Simon did everything he could to encourage him to keep going. 

Soon, two empty mugs were on the tray and Simon was patting Raphael's good shoulder. “You did good Raph and there's more when you're ready.” 

Raphael had a little blood smeared on his lip and oh, that was a temptation for Simon on so many levels.

“I don't feel like I'm gonna hurt one of them anymore.” Raphael told him and Simon who was still crouching in front of him. 

“Good, that's good. That's the kind of progress we wanna hear,” He patted the other man's shoulder again and smiling encouragingly. He could remember having a similar conversation with Clary only a few months before. 

“You'll get the hang of it again, no seriously you will. You love the stuff, been drinking in for years and you won't be hurting anyone. You've got amazing self control, seriously when I was mundane- that means a normal human- and the bad vampire I said about hurt me? You saved me and my neck was all bloody and you didn't even take a lick.” 

“I guess it's probably why you're the leader now. You keep the others in line and they all respect you even though most of them are older than you.” Simon forced himself to stop as his brain caught up with his mouth and he realised that he was doing the gushing thing that always made things awkward. When he was excited or passionate about a subject, it was just how things came out and with Clary, Jocelyn and Luke so used to it, it made other people's reactions more awkward. Like Alec and Magnus at the non-wedding.

“Leader? I am a leader of vampires?” Raphael's eyes had gone huge at the news, he was startled and Simon could see none of the confidence or attitude that he was used to. That was...unnerving. 

“Yeah, you're the leader and I'm your fledgling, the newest and youngest to the clan.” All true, just neatly avoiding that detail of that betrayal thing. Raphael would be back to normal soon enough but in the mean time, Simon was for now enjoying the experience of Raphael seeming to actual like him for possibly the first time ever. “It's kinda like a family over there and you've been driving me pretty crazy by insisting on calling me 'Baby Vamp' and that I can't argue with you because you're my maker and my leader. You pretty much got everyone calling me it. Oh and your advisor, for some reason I don't understand because you rarely take my advice.”

And he was rambling. Again. He blamed the hot abs in front of him, he really did. 

Raphael absorbed the information though, nodding slowly. He opened his mouth to say something just as material suddenly sailed over Simon's head and into Raphael's lap. A t-shirt.

Looking over his shoulder, Simon saw Raj grinning wickedly and sent back a glare that lacked any heat needed to make it actually intimidating. 

“Can't have Santiago catching a cold now, can we?” Raj told him with an entirely unconvincing innocent tone. 

Rolling his eyes, Simon turned back to Raphael even as he listened to the shadowhunters. They were multitasking: flicking through books whilst they had their phones out trying to connect with Alec and/or Magnus. 

There was no real progress yet though and so he turned his attention to inspecting the nasty demon bite on Raphael's shoulder. 

With obvious relief, he announced “You're finally starting to heal over. Keep on drinking blood and I bet you'll be good as new in no time.” And, since Raphael was now holding up the black shirt curiously, Simon added. “That's yours so no need to worry about the fit.”

“We live here then? With these people and not other vampires? Is that usual?” As he asked the questions, Raphael was following Simon's suggestion and pulling on the shirt before grabbing one of the cooling mugs of blood. It was more than odd to see Raphael doing exactly as he suggested without sarcasm or argument. Not even an eyeroll.

“No, no I'm living here right now and you live with the other vampires. Leader's gotta be where the actions at.” Simon got up as he spoke, moving around and tidying up the tatters of shirt and bloody bandages to busy himself. They were once again dangerously close to exile talk. 

“Oh.” Was all he got from Raphael though before the older man's focus became once again focused on drinking blood and not gagging on the taste of it. 

Another hurdle dodged, for now. 

A warm hand touched his arm, it was Clary and she gently pulled him aside. 

“Simon, I didn't mean to upset him or you, you know that right?” She seemed so sincere and, well, this was Clary. He could never really be mad at her for long. “He's so different, it's like he's barely Raphael anymore.” 

“He is where it counts.”Simon immediately insisted. Clary was giving him that look again though, the one she had been wearing a lot lately when the conversation turned to Raphael. 

Shaking his head, Simon continued “It's forgotten already,” and hugged her to underline that point, smiling when she hugged back. Human warmth radiating from her felt good. “Any luck contacting with lovers?” 

Clary was shaking her head as they parted. “Izzy got through to Jace though and they're both now texting him some mayday code they made up with Alec to really get his attention. Kinda a Lightwood 911 thing. We'll get this handled, I promise.” 

Clary knew how he felt about Raphael, of course she did, and as she rubbed his arm they were having the silent best friend conversation. The kind you could only really have when you'd been friends for longer than you could remember and just instinctively understood the other person. He was pretty sure they had years back achieved what the Shadowhunters called 'parabatai' level of their friendship and they didn't even need the matching tattoos to prove it. 

She was worried for him, also smirking a little as she caught him being unable to resist looking over at the other vampire again, but mostly there was pure concern coming off of Clary in waves. Any moment Raphael could be himself again and could turn on Simon. Reject him again or, worse, actually kill him

Simon sent her the brightest, more reassuring smile he could manage for her. Pining and carrying unrequited torches was kind of his thing at this point. Besides, whatever Raphael did later it was the here and now that mattered and in the here and now, Raphael needed him. 

At least Clary let it drop while there were other super-hearing people in the room, instead she looked over him “You're really covered in blood, Simon.” She pointed out with a small laugh. 

Looking down at himself for the first time, Simon saw that sure enough he had Raphael's blood all over his clothes and any bare skin from carrying the other man. Raphael had been torn up pretty badly, it was good he wasn't freely bleeding anymore. 

“Vampire, remember? Not exactly the end of the world, Clary.” He reminded gently, receiving a shoulder bump and a grin in return. 

There was a weird feeling in the infirmary as people started to fall quiet, except for Isabelle who was still murmuring quietly as she translated the huge, old book in her hands. They'd closed off the room to stop anyone sneaking in to eyeball the coven leader so it was just the two of them with Clary, Isabelle and Raj. 

Things between Izzy and Raj were still awkward after the whole trial and arrest thing. They behaved civilly and worked together when needed but the stiffness and awkwardness would be visible even to someone who didn't know them, Simon was sure. It wasn't painful to watch but it did make him uncomfortable to see two friends he cared for struggle to get along even if he understood why. 

Sitting back down, Simon couldn't help but notice that Raphael silently lent in a little until their shoulders pressed together with familiarity. Or assumed familiarity, Simon supposed since Raphael was pretty much just going on his word and nothing else for the moment. 

This moment he couldn't have predicted in a million years. That he and Raphael would be the pair in the room without tension or discomfort between them. Of course, amnesia was sort of handy like that. 

He was brought out of his thoughts by Raphael squeezing his arm. “You are my fledgling and you said you're still young which means you need to take care of yourself. You should be drinking more.” He was pushing the mug, half drunk, into Simon's hands. He smiled when Simon looked at him questioningly. “A sire must look after their fledgling, yes?” 

Slowly Simon took a sip of the cooling blood as Raphael asked him “Why do you look so surprised? Am I not usually a good sire to you?” 

“Good, sure but strict and short tempered and my rambling and general me-ness seems to drive you up the wall and make you all kinds of sarcastic when I don't mean to but, yeah, you've been good to me. Save my life like, two times? Maybe three by now and you care and stuff you're just, I dunno. You roll your eyes a lot and snark but you were good to me as I died and when I first woke up like this and freaked out bad....and I'm doing the rambling thing you hate but you're grinning and that's so weird.”

Raphael laughed, it was quiet but sincere and Simon was just watching with wide eyes. Finally, the older vampire told him “I can't remember why I have been so bad tempered, maybe because I don't remember the pressures of leadership but maybe this is a learning opportunity. To get to know my fledgling with more patience.” 

“Optimism is a very strange look on you but I could get used to it.” Simon decided, grinning as Raphael chuckled again. 

“Raphael Santiago is laughing, it really must be a crisis in here.” Magnus's voice said loudly from behind them, making Simon jump in surprise before turning his neck in time to see a portal vanish. Apparently he'd been so wrapped up in Raphael, so to speak, he'd missed the arrival of Magnus and Alec. 

Magnus swept over to them, pulling Raphael's collar aside to expose more of his injuries for a moment. “What on earth have you been up to, old friend?” 

Raphael jerked back from his touch, frowning suspiciously. “Who are you and why do you smell like that?”

“We've been calling because Raphael's had his memory wiped.” Clary jumped in before anyone else could speak, mostly because Simon, Izzy and Raj had started snorting and snickering at Raphael's reaction. 

Magnus seemed to take the news that his friend had apparently spontaneously developed amnesia in his stride as he look over the pair of vampires in front of him. “And yet he remains his charming self. Must you always insult me, Santiago?” 

Simon suddenly felt Raphael's hand close around his as the other vampire eyed Magnus warily. “I know you?”

“You do, you've known him your whole vampire life, you told me that.” Simon patted the hand a touch awkwardly, very aware of the eyes watching them. “And even if you didn't, I trust him.” 

“That's good enough for me.” Raphael decided but did not loosen the grip though as he allowed Magnus to get closer and start doing, well, something involving blue sparks dancing around Raphael's head. 

In an attempt to distract Raphael, who was looking increasingly uncomfortable bordering on alarmed at the show of magic, Simon started talking.

“Magnus is a warlock,” he explained to Raphael, the room was suddenly very still again as Magnus worked. “He's the oldest thing in this room but that's probably not why you think he smells.” 

Magnus flipped him the bird whilst still doing his magic hand-dancey stuff, it did however break the tension as a few in the room chuckled again. 

“If it's just him, it might be the aftershave you're pulling faces at but if it's both guys then it's probably lust and sex or whatever. You're better with your nose than I am.” Simon continued as Alec made a horrified noise that sounded a lot like a cat hacking up a hairball. 

“Did you really have to announce that to everyone? That's private stuff.” Alec's face was quickly turning a bright shade of red, Simon meanwhile shrugged.

“Your shirt is inside out, Alec. Plus your belt's not fastened properly and am I blind or are you wearing Magnus's ear cuff. Looks good on you.” He was pointing it out playfully, generally he and Alec were almost friends now. Well, the kind that might drive each other up the wall but would totally go to bat for the other if someone else tried something. 

The disgruntled looking shadowhunter only took one step forward before suddenly Raphael was between them. Simon could hear the hissing and remembered suddenly when a werewolf had shoved him at the City of Bones and Raphael had immediately gone on the defensive for him. 

“Touch my fledgling and I will rip you apart.” Raphael snarled with an intensity that judging by everyone's expressions startled them all, Simon especially. With his memories intact, Raphael had never been that protective of him.

“Raphael, Raph,” He reached out and touched the other man's arm lightly. “It's ok, Alec's a friend. Well, near enough I mean we're on the same side and don't want to see the other dead...more dead in my case.” Over Raphael's shoulder he saw Alec roll his eyes but there was a smile there too. Oh yeah, they were friends. That was pretty cool. Simon was pleased with that. 

“We annoy each other coz it's fun but we're on the same side and he wouldn't hurt me, ok? There's no danger here.” He coaxed Raphael to sit down again and then noticed that, even as he continued his spell, Magnus was now watching him, Simon, and not Raphael. 

“You're his? I thought you were Camille's fledgling?” He asked, those cats eyes of his glittering. 

“She killed me, he gave me blood then brought me here and helped bury me then train me. She calls herself my sire but it's not true. I'm dead because of her but I'm a vampire because of Raph.” He summed up, watching Magnus nod thoughtfully. 

“Camille is the bad vampire?” Raphael asked and Simon nodded himself, still watching Magnus curiously. The discovery that Simon was Raphael's fledgling seemed to tickle him for some reason. 

“Bad person in general if you're putting it mildly but yeah,” Alec started though was cut off quickly by his sister before he could treat them to another rendition of 'Camille is a lying, abusive sack of shit that keeps hurting my boyfriend'. It was a tune Simon could happily dance along to ordinarily, even the extended remix version with extra verses of 'How I'm/We're gonna kill her when we find her' but right now, Raphael needed him and so he appreciated Izzy's actions so much. 

“When did you last see Raphael, Magnus? Did you discuss or do anything that might explain this?” When she said 'this' Isabelle motioned at the lost and disgruntled looking vampire who was currently glaring at the blue shimmering swirling mist around his head, his fangs were still out from when he'd threatened Alec. 

In that moment of annoyance, Raphael looked more like himself than he had all night. 

“Life's been rather busy lately with Valentine's antics so it was a few weeks ago, I think. Maybe a month or two? Time isn't my forte, there's too much of it. Whenever it was, Raphael's been helping me to clear out Ragnor's various homes and hide outs about the world.” Magnus told them, he was obviously trying to keep his voice normal but it trembled just slightly on Ragnor's name. Enough for Alec to reach out to him and squeeze his arm. 

“Raphael knew Ragnor too?” Clary was now sat on the cot behind them again.

 

“Oh yes, in fact they were and in many ways still are, the Statler and Waldorf to my life story, if you catch my drift.” Magnus smirked, and when he saw most the shadowhunters looking confused with only Simon and Clary grinning he added “The hecklers on the muppets?” 

When they still looked clueless, Magnus made a sound of disgust himself and rolled his eyes. “All my wonderful pop culture references are wasted on you philistines.” He then clicked his fingers and the blue mist around Raphael's head vanished. 

Taking a step into the centre of their little gathering, Magnus went into full showman to deliver the prognosis. It was only slightly distracting that his make up was smudged from whatever he and Alec had been doing before they'd answered the 911 call. 

“On the face of it, someone who is not as experienced as I am with memory magic has messed around in things they don't understand. Which means I will hesitate to do anything to treat him until we can at least figure out what kind of spell the person was attempting or better yet find out who cast the spell. There's no signature I can find but that's hardly surprising, I certainly would never sign my name to such shoddy work.” 

Which all made sense to Simon except it meant that Raphael was probably going to be like this for a while. He wasn't certain if that was a good or bad thing yet. Was it selfish to be enjoying Raphael's amnesia because it was allowing them to connect without all the bullshit. This version of Raphael trusted him, laughed at his jokes and held his hand a lot. How could he not enjoy that? 

Conversation quickly turned to the next step of the plan and, since the shadowhunters were hardly in the good graces of anyone from Hotel Dumort, they had to quickly concede that Magnus was the best to go and talk with Raphael's closest advisors. 

“We can't let this become public knowledge or vampires not so loyal to Raphael will start fighting to fill the power vacuum. Outside of this room we have to be very careful who knows.” Magnus told them, looking around the room his gaze rested on Raj for the moment. 

“I'm not going to tell anyone. This is a vampire matter not the Clave's.” Raj told him firmly, the staring held for a long moment and Simon was pretty sure this wasn't about Raj's loyalty at all, rather Magnus objecting to the way Raj had been looking at the sex rumpled Alec. 

“Anyway, you guys do that. Maybe Elliot and Lily will know where he's been, either way they can more than take care of the group until we have regularly grouchy but some how lovable Raphael back.” Simon cut in, addressing Magnus and Alec directly. He could never stand tension, it made him anxious especially when it was between people he cared about. 

“Until then, if he's laying low for the night...day I guess,” Clary corrected herself and Simon looked over his shoulder to her to give her a small smile. As much as he could joke about his un-alive status, Clary still struggled with the guilt from her part in his death. “I mean, we sorted out the vampire safe room for Simon so Raphael can stay there today and hopefully we'll figure it out tomorrow.” 

“While we siesta? Works for me.” Simon agreed readily before realising “Hold up, wait, me and Raphael sharing? In that little room?” 

Now Raj was smirking at him again and so Simon was looking at everyone but Raj. 

It was Raphael who spoke up, startling Simon by saying “I don't mind, we can share.” 

“Or,” Clary spoke up, still in brainstorming mode clearly. “Magnus could-” 

“Absolutely not! We served our sentence as roommates and we don't need that again. Raphael would agree if he could remember it right now. Or who he even is.” Magnus shut down that idea faster than Clary could even form it. 

“Ooook then,” Clary recovered quickly but Simon was willing to bet that she was just as curious as Simon felt about the revelation that Magnus and Raphael had once lived together. The vamp and the warlock, it sounded like a sitcom or something. 

“So, we're decided. Alec and Magnus go to the Dumort and we keep on researching here. Sound good?” 

Before anyone could speak, the door banged open. Jace was home and seriously disheveled. He was wearing the dark jeans and zip up hoodie he'd left in but there was no longer a t-shirt underneath. His hair was a messed and there even seemed to be a twig in there. Most of all, Simon couldn't ignore the overwhelming scent of Seelie. 

Since coming back from his time with Valentine, Jace hadn't exactly been his usual self and had been disappearing a lot. Simon didn't blame him, everyone dealt with trauma in different ways after all.

When he'd privately voiced concerns to Jace though that he might be using sex to avoid dealing with his feelings, they'd ended up in a ridiculous sparring match until Simon finally made Jace realise he wasn't attacking, not really. He was just worried but once he knew who the Seelie was, he was a little less worried. Seelies by reputation where difficult to get a measure of but at least Meliorn was known to them. So it was their little secret, though he knew the others had varying suspicions of their own about where Jace kept disappearing to.

“Did I miss something?” Jace asked, wide eyed and looking around the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick note I forgot. Simon retelling his death? It's based on a fic I wrote in Raphael's POV called 'Just Died In Your Arms Tonight'


	3. Blood, Tears, and Hormones

 

“Jace, poking him won't find the hidden 'on' switch for his memories.”

“Oh yeah? Which of us has the most experience with the Downworld?” Jace shot back, smirking. He was currently sat on the cot beside Raphael with Simon opposite them. The shadowhunter had been dismissed by the others as too tipsy to be overly useful to research or Magnus and Alec's diplomatic mission to the Dumort. So instead he was being babysat by the vampires.

“Speaking of which, Meliorn? Again?” Simon smirked, immediately tearing the unusually disheveled Jace's attention away from the other vampire. Raphael was for once looking more confused by Jace than irritated by the harassment. “I thought Izzy was planning to see him tonight?”

Jace winced at the question. “I didn't know that and was already there. She walked in on some...stuff. So drinking happened”

Simon couldn't help it. The night had been stressful, scary, weird and surreal. Something had to give.

He started laughing. Slightly hysterically but after a beat Jace joined in so at least he wasn't the only one being stared at by Raphael as though he was a moron.

Actually, that look was oddly reassuring. Raphael looked more like himself for a moment.

As the laughter died, Jace asked rhetorically “How screwed is my life that basically my sister just walked in on me fooling around with a guy she's seeing too and that's the least messed up thing to happen to me in months?”

“You're asking the dead guy who's currently part of a telenovela amnesia plotline Jace, those in glass houses aren't gonna start throwing stones.”

When Jace started snickering at his quip, Simon knew Alec had made the right call in benching him because whilst Simon knew that he was hilariously witty it wasn't something Jace ever seemed to notice. There was no way he was sober enough to handle responsibility.

“What have you been drinking Jace?” Clary suddenly thudded down onto the cot next to Simon, a large leather bound book open in her hands. Her eyes left the page to narrow at Jace suddenly. “Hang on, you told me you don't drink?”

"Yeah but," said Jace, swaying a little as he twisted himself full body from facing Raphael to Clary opposite him. He very nearly ended up on the floor between the bunks, Simon's couldn't help but notice. "That was several months ago and about four Jerry Springer worthy revelations ago."

Simon had introduced Jace to the show to try and reassure the shadowhunter that he wasn't the only one with a completely mental family tree. It had had varying degrees of success. The Boondock Saints marathon they'd had the next night had been much more appreciated.

"He's been with Meliorn." Raphael added helpfully. Apparently not content to simply listen to the shadowhunter gossip anymore and trying to join in on the limited level of understanding he had.

Jace's alcohol flushed cheeks turned even redder which was quite the feat so far as Simon was concerned. Simon could hear Jace's heart pounding fast as he watched Clary, he'd even stopped twirling his stele between his fingers as he waited for her reaction.  
  
"Oh," Clary seemed a little surprised but not scandalised as Simon had half expected. Jace had already told him that he didn't want to broach the subject with her. Sibling revelation or not, he hadn't felt comfortable in having discussions about sex and love lives with her. Which was more than fair, all things considered.  
  
Clary, however, was still smiling as she continued "Well, bad influence with drink or not I'm glad you found someone talk to. I'm sorry I called you back now. Must have ruined boys night, huh?"

As the three boys realised her obliviousness, they shared silent and wide-eyed expressions. However, the awkward moment that's followed her words as Simon and presumably the others struggled to find a reply was blissfully interrupted by her ringtone.

"It's Mom, better take this. You know how she worries." She rolled her eyes got up, leaving the sick Bay as she answered the call.  
  
"Wow." Simon said once she was definitely gone.  
  
"Did I speak out of turn?" Raphael asked with concern that earned him a confused look from Jace. Simon found it reassuring that Raphael's current behaviour wasn't just weirding him out.

"No no," Simon reassured him quickly. " I guess Clary's still thinking Jace is straight."  
  
Jace was still swaying a little, his shoulder every so often bumping lightly against Raphael's, as he snorted in distaste. "Who gave her that idea?"

"Heteronormativity." Simon responded, shrugging a little.  
  
Which then treated him to the somehow delightful sight of Jace and Raphael wearing twin looks of puzzlement.  
  
"Hetero what now?"  
  
"Que?"

In his current state Jace's attention span wasn't great. Whipping his head round and his attention back onto Raphael, he asked  
  
"How come you're speaking so differently?"

Raphael, for his part, shrugged and it seemed automatically looked to Simon for help as he said "This is how I have spoken for as long as I can remember."

“So about six hours then.” Jace summed up, smirking.  
  
"He _is_ Mexican," Simon pointed out to them both. "So I think that this is his natural accent before he started trying to sound American or, I dunno, maybe he lost the accent after living here so long."  
  
"Well, we're fucking lucky he ain't forgotten English completely then."

Raphael in return shot Jace a sideways look and said "I could say the same about you right now." He then looked to Simon asked "Unless he is this dimwitted when sober also?"

Simon snorted, feeling relief like never before. Raphael really was still in there somewhere, he wasn't lost forever.  
  
"Eh, that's debatable," Simon joked, dodging when Jace threw the nearest thing to hand at Simon's head in retaliation. Unfortunately for him, that just happened to be his stele which missed Simon by a country mile. 

When it clattered to the ground loudly, the noise drew Izzy's attention from her translating.  
  
She came over sighing, picked up the potentially damaged stele and then informed Jace in an uncanny impression of mother. "That's it, time for you to go sleep it off before you do any serious damage."  
  
The last time Jace had returned from an evening in the Seelie glade, something Simon had sadly missed, Jace had been even more tipsy and according to Alec's account the next day had gone full godzilla. Apparently alcohol's main effect on Jace was a serious case of the clumsies. 

To his credit, the blonde shadowhunter made little fuss other than to pout as Isabelle took him by the hand and led him out.  
  
Simon and Raphael both watched with varying amusement as Jace's hand reached back into view again and waved as he cheerfully called out wishes for good sleep and speedy memory return as Izzy tugged him away.  
  
This left the pair of vampires alone except for Raj. 

" I don't know what to make of your friends," Raphael admitted, "Am I usually more friendly with them?"  
  
"Actually the opposite, well it's mostly Clary and Izzy you don't get along with but that's their fault really." But Simon was still doggedly avoiding that story.  
  
A silence fell between them for a few moments whilst Raphael obviously thought over this new information. Any further questions he may have had for Simon were delayed for the time being thanks to Raj joining them.  
  
"Here," He held out a tablet to Raphael. " I've downloaded all the files I can find relating to you and your history so far as our records contain. Along with some general stuff we had from the classes that we teach here about downworlders, shadowhunters and everything."  
  
The unexpected gift that Raj had put together for Raphael touched Simon. This reading source, he was sure, was going to be a huge help in making Raphael feel less lost and overwhelmed by how emptiness of his memory. 

For a few moments he watched this unprecedented sight with an affectionate expression on his face that he knew probably made him look pretty daft. He couldn't help it though as he watched his unlikely shadowhunter friend patiently teaching the leader of the New York vampire Clan how to use an iPad.  
  
Raj went through basic functions, showed Raphael how to search through all of the information and even how to Google.  
  
"And this icon, this is the gallery and I've filled it with any photos and videos I thought might be relevant for you to refer to plus some are just historical pieces or information." Raj carried on, Raphael was now holding the tablet and was following the shadowhunters directions with extreme focus.  
  
Sound started playing suddenly obviously startling Raphael a little.  
  
"Yeah," The vampire's reaction had Raj grinning. "Pressing that makes the video clip play. And clicking here, see? Clicking there tells you what info or context we have for the footage."  
  
Raphael was now staring at the screen amazement as he read aloud "Downworlder party, Bane residence estimated late 1960s."

The curiosity was all too much for Simon, he moved across to join the others on the bunk. He dropped the pillow to the floor and sat on Raphael's other side. It was a tight squeeze but the other vampire didn't seem to mind.  
  
"The 1960s means you were still pretty young for vampire," Simon told Raphael as he looked down at the screen. They were both still young for vampires though, really. “But still older than me.”  
  
The footage wasn't the best quality but it was easy to recognise Raphael and Magnus despite the lighting and the intriguing fashion choices. They were sat in comfortable chairs near a glass coffee table with drinks in hand, the amount of empties on the table suggesting they'd been there for a while.

Magnus was gesturing grandly if a bit wildly as he told a story, the words to which the lost under the noise and music of the party, and Raphael was smirking in a way that Simon recognised at him fighting laughter because why give away that he had a sharp sense of humour when he could simply eye Magnus with the same superior and smug expression that Simon had received so often?  
  
Then a third man joined them bringing with him 3 more drinks. He sat between them and joined the conversation so fluidly that he had to be close to them both. Before Raj could even tell them, Simon knew who it must be. Ragnor Fell.   
  
Raphael seemed to come to the same realisation at roughly the same moment.  
  
"That's..." he trailed off, swallowing.  
  
"Yeah, yeah that's Ragnor." Simon confirmed in soft tones after a quick confirmation glance over to Raj.

Raphael's hand not holding the iPad was, coincidentally, the hand nearest Simon. He immediately took Simon's hand in his tightly, his eyes never leaving screen on which he and his friends were laughing and joking half a century before. By Magnus's pouting, he seemed to be the butt of their jokes now.  
  
The locked hands happened to be hidden by Raphael and Simon's thighs which at least, Simon thought, meant that Raj might not notice. Raj had already made enough jokes at his expense for one night.  
  
Simon squeezed Raphael's hand hoping that it came across as supportive as he intended it. 

All three of them were so absorbed in the footage that then played on into another clip still in the sixties but this time at dinner in a downworlder establishment. The two warlocks dined whilst Raphael enjoyed a glass of blood. As the three on the screen dined and chatted in a familiar and relaxed way, the three on the bunk were still silently watching. That was until the smell of blood caught Simon's attention.  
  
Now that he was a vampire, the smell of blood was hardly unusual but it was the source of that blood that startled Simon.  
  
Blood tears. 

It had never occurred to Simon that vampire tears would not be the same as mundane tears. The difference was striking to say the least. Tracks of red were making their way down Raphael's cheeks as his eyes stayed fixed on the screen.  
  
"Raph." Simon murmured his name softly, free hand reaching to touch Raphael's forearm gently. His concern to hide their locked hands hand vanished immediately. His thumb stroked the back of Raphael's hand as he watched the other man with obvious concern.  
  
"I... I don't remember. None of this, I can't remember him. So why does knowing he's gone hurt so much?" Raphael asked him without looking up. 

" I don't know Raphael," Simon said softly, he'd forgotten that Raj was even in the room in that moment. "Maybe, maybe Magnus was onto something with that theory that your memory was wiped badly. I mean, there could be an echo of the grieving you've been doing left. Looks like he was a really good friend to you. There's no shame in crying for him, you know.”

In a sudden movement, Raphael turned full bodied to Simon and hugged him tightly. His face pressed naturally against Simon's neck as he continued to cry for his forgotten, dead friend.  
  
Simon did not quite no what to do, at first recently patted Raphael's back a little awkwardly before giving in to the urge to hug Raphael just as fiercely in return. 

When he regained his memories, Raphael would not be pleased to know that he had wept openly in front of a shadowhunter and practically thrown himself into Simon's arms. That was a worry for another day though, for now Simon couldn't hold back whatever wrath he faced later on from the Elder vampire.

Raj, for his part, looked just as awkward at the turn of events.  
  
"I'll go check that the coast is clear, maybe you two should go clean up when you're ready." He suggested before making a timely exit.  
  
Raj did have a point, Simon had to admit since he and Raphael were still covered in Raphael's blood and the fresh tears were only adding to the mess.  
  
Slowly, Raphael lifted his head and pulled far back enough that he could look Simon in the eyes but not so far away as to have to stop hugging him. Close enough to kiss, Simon's treacherous mind pointed out. 

"Sorry," and Simon was so taken aback by the word that he didn't respond in time and so Raphael carried on. "You must think I'm a loon, all these sudden emotions tears. Thinking I was possessed, nearly attacking your friend and then now crying all over you."  
  
"Someone's been playing with your brain Raph," Simon reminded gently, he still had one of his arms around Raphael and found himself tenderly wiping away the other man's blood tears. He'd regret the action later, or rather Raphael would make him regret it but for now he couldn't help but notice that this version of Raphael was clearly and openly comforted by his touch. 

"Besides," Simon continued, "Usually you're a bit of a stoic and the 'playing your cards close to your chest' type so I'm pretty sure good cry isn't a bad thing for you." In fact Simon would have bet good money that this was the first time that Raphael had allowed himself to cry over losing Ragnor.

Reassured, Raphael embraced Simon tighter again though he was no longer crying. Simon wasn't sure how long it lasted, he was busy trying to memorize every part of what it was like to hold Raphael so close.

Eventually, Raj returned and stuck his head just inside the door to tell them. "Looks like nearly everyone has turned in for the night. I'll leave you to it."  
  
Just as he started to leave again, Simon called out to him " Hey Raj, thanks for everything."  
  
The shadowhunter smiled and shook his head a little. "It's what friends do, just look after your boy. Night." 

And with that, he left. Simon could't help feeling touched, he's known they were buddies for a while but having Raj acknowledge their friendship felt good. Outside of the vampire Clan, Raj was the only connection that he'd made entirely by himself rather than through Clary since this has all begun.  
  
"He is a good friend to you." Raphael spoke, face still in Simon's neck as lay his head on his shoulder. Raphael's lips brushed against Simon's cold skin, drawing the younger vampire's attention back to him. "I am glad you have such friends even when you are so far from our coven."

He seemed so sincere that Simon about that pang of guilt grow. If Raphael's memories were not restored soon, he knew he'd have to own up. Raphael would have to know the truth about how Simon had screwed him over eventually.

"Come on," he said instead, slowly releasing his gentle hold from around Raphael. For couple of moments, Raphael maintained his much tighter grip before freeing Simon to stand.  
  
He noticed that Raphael made sure to bring the iPad with him as he stood to follow Simon out.

  
Their footsteps quickly fell into an easy rhythm as they walked through the Institute and as they headed down the corridor that led to both the kitchen and further on to Simon's bedroom, he felt Raphael take his hand again.

  
He wasn't sure quite why the other man was holding his hand so much but Simon couldn't say that he objected. 

Ordinarily Raphael wasn't exactly shy about touching and often manhandling Simon, but he was never this kind of touchy feely with anyone. To Simon's knowledge at least. Having him be so tactile now was a thrill, one that he was starting it used to already. 

They made their way passed the kitchen and down a very small flight of steps to Simon's room. His room was nothing special, until recently it had been a store room but when they'd needed somewhere safe from daylight for Simon it has been converted hastily.  
  
Magnus and Alec had done the most of the work, the warlock was after all a dab hand with renovation magic since he customized his own apartment so regularly. He'd added an en suite, done up the room in a toned down version of Magnus's own interior design tastes and provided furnishing including a large and slightly OTT bed but it was so comfortable but Simon didn't mind the drama of it.  
  
Simon had put his own stamp on it in the months after. On the dresser he had framed photos of his family and Clary's from before that fateful birthday of hers. Jocelyn and Luke has given him those and Clary had given him sketches to pin up on a board nearby, a few movie posters had found their way up onto the wall and Jace had helped get his favourite dvds from his bedroom back home. 

The room was dramatically neater than his one back home, largely because the one time Maryse had spoken to him directly have been to make a remark about how Simon had better show respect and appreciation to the institutes's hospitality. She had said this all in a way that made it clear that she did not like that her children had allowed this to happen and Simon wasn't above admitting she scared him more than a little.  
  
The wardrobe door was open, presumably from when Raj had grabbed that t-shirt for Raphael. Inside was a mix of hand-me-downs from Jace, Alec and Raj with a few items of Raphael's mixed in. A few where actual new clothes of his own but not many. 

Going out to clothes shop at night in New York wasn't all that difficult but avoiding being recognised was harder. A girl from one of his classes had spotted him last time which had gotten awkward and ended up in him having to encanto her to forget all about it.

Apparently his mom had plastered the campus with missing posters. It had sucked to know she was suffering but he knew he couldn't be near his family until he knew that there was 0% chance of him hurting his mum or sister.  
  
He was brought out of his thoughts by Raphael releasing his hand.  
  
"Oh, uh, want to shower first?" Simon asked, hoping he didn't look disappointed the hand holding had ended. 

"You are the one covered in my blood, it seems only fair that you go first." Raphael told him before suddenly grinning in a way Simon had never seen before. "Or would you rather lick yourself clean like a cat? Is this more like how vampires behave?"  
  
Simon's eyes had gone wide "Did you... Did you just make a joke?"  
  
"Another thing I don't normally do?" Raphael asked still smiling.  
  
"Nope. At least not around me."  
  
"Good, I think I like keeping you on your toes." Raphael informed him.  
  
Simon blinked, what could he say to that? "Well um, well that at least kinda sounds familiar."  
  
For a moment they both simply stood there until Raphael broke the moment of silence by saying  
  
"Go wash, my baby vamp. I will be here, learning about myself." He gestured with a tablet before making himself comfortable on Simon's bed as if it were the most natural thing in the world. 

For a moment Simon's brain short circuited at the sight before he realised he was staring and forced himself to move.  
  
The shower he took was possibly the quickest and coldest one he had ever taken.  
  
The current main character in about 90% of Simon's day dreams and wet dreams (he had thought that at 18 those kind of wake ups were long passed him but no, new vampirism really was like going through puberty again but on overdrive), Raphael was on Simon's bed right now. A cold shower was exactly what he needed. 

After drying himself, he pulled a comfy pair of sweats leaving all the bloodstained clothing in the trash. When it came down to it, some clothes just weren't worth saving.  
  
Heading back in to the bedroom, Simon found that Raphael had removed all of the bandages from his feet and shoulder. Simon was relieved to see the skin perfect again, not showing even the faintest of scratches.  
  
It took Raphael several seconds to notice Simon's return, another clear sign that he was not himself. Simon could never sneak up on Raphael at full power.  
  
Simon saw the other man's eyes roam over him and as his gaze unsubtly lingered on Simon's bare chest, his fangs suddenly popped out. 

The response shocked Simon because he was pretty sure he knew what that meant. No one had ever explained it exactly but it didn't take a genius to figure it out.  
  
Raphael though, he had forgotten what it meant to be a vampire it seemed and Simon wasn't sure he'd survive a conversation to explain that reaction. Instead he smiled brightly and said  
  
"You're healing so well, you'll probably need more blood to make up for it though." His mouth started talking before his brain got a chance to over-complicate things. "Want it before or after showering?"  
  
"Thank you Simon but I am ok," Raphael told him, a slight lisp from his fangs affecting his words. "I have been reading about our kind, I am older so even hurt I've probably had enough blood but you, you are a fledgling and you have done so much for me tonight. It is my turn to take care of you now." 

Moving to sit on the end of the bed rather than stand awkwardly in the middle of the room, Simon asked "Erm, what do you mean? I can go to the kitchen for myself too, you know. It's not exactly far."  
  
Raphael looked pleased with himself, and Simon guessed that the fact that now he was the one who didn't know what was happening was pleasing Raphael.  
  
"It says here," Raphael tapped at the screen of the tablet, "That makers and fledglings share blood to strengthen one another, among other things."  
  
"You, you want, you want to have us feed on each other? Like now?" Simon was starting to wonder if he hadn't slipped in the shower and that this wasn't all just a fevered dream. 

"No," Raphael's expression took on an air of smugness, memory or no he still enjoyed knowing more than Simon did. "You should feed on me but I won't feed on you. You haven't drunk enough tonight according to this article and my blood will be far better for you than animal blood."  
  
He seemed to be enjoying Simon's surprise as he spoke, it was probably obvious that this offer had never been made before.  
  
"If you say no, you will hurt my feelings baby vamp." Raphael added, the blatant emotional blackmail had them both sharing his smile again. "And I have already had a very traumatic evening of injury, amnesia and drunk blonde boys poking at me."

 "Ok ok, jeez laying it on a bit thick there, Raph." Simon found himself laughing.  
  
Raphael sat up properly and moved closer to Simon, who for his part was thinking that if he had still been alive then his heart would have been pounding practically out of his chest.  
  
"No need to be nervous, Simon. You trust me, don't you?" Raphael seemed to genuinely want to know this and despite the situation that had landed him into exile, Simon found himself replying  
  
"I trust you." And it didn't matter what had happened before or what might happen in the future. Here and now, he meant it.  
  
"That's my boy," Raphael grinned and reached out, his hand going to the back of Simon's head and started to guide him downwards. 

Rather than being offered the neck to drink from like Camille had back when Simon had been mundane, he felt Raphael's hand guide him to lean over his lap and to Raphael's bare wrist. 

The position, the hand on the back of his head and Raphael murmuring encouragements, it was struck Simon as pretty suggestive of a very different oral act. Raphael was murmuring to him in Spanish and Simon wondered if he even realised he'd changed languages.

  
Simon didn't need any more prompting though, he savoured the moment and tried not to think about whether or not there was a moral issue in taking Raphael's blood when he was suffering from amnesia. 

His lips latched onto cool skin, licking the skin for a fleeting moment and simply tasting Raphael before his fangs elongated to pierce into flesh and then blood gushed into his mouth. 

Simon had never fed from another vampire before, he'd had drops of Camille's but that hadn't been the same at all. Since becoming a vampire he had only ever fed from animal blood in glasses before now and even that had had it's difficulties. When it came to drinking blood from a glass or mug, it was best he didn't think too much about it since the whole idea of drinking blood was still uncomfortable even as the vampiric urges in him craved it. 

He was Jewish after all and had always followed the kosher food laws which included the forbidding of consuming blood. Blood was, like all non kosher food, treif and yet he was now living a life in which he was forced to consumed blood because anything else made him violently sick. Headfuck didn't even cover it. 

Both Raphael and Luke had tried to reassure him after being turned. Luke reassured him that it was ok, that he'd get used to it and Raphael would tell him the God would understand, after all it wasn't as though Simon was killing for the blood. He tried not to let it mess with him too much but still, a lifetime of belief wasn't going to be erased forever in a few months, somedays were harder than others. 

However from the first moment he tasted Raphael's blood, any hesitancy over drinking his blood was temporarily forgotten. He wasn't thinking about anything other than being in Raphael's arms and tasting his maker's blood as he fed noisily. 

Maybe he should have been embarrassed by his behaviour but it was hard to when he was enjoying himself so much. Raphael's blood tasted different to animal blood and even Simon's hazy memories of Camille's blood. It tasted darker somehow with a bitter twist that reminded Simon faintly of the taste of coffee and dark chocolate. Bitter but not off-putting, a hidden sweetness that he chased as he drank from the older vampire's wrist eagerly. 

As he drank from Raphael, groans and growls rose up in his throat that he couldn't control. And all the while there was the rhythmic feeling of Raphael running fingers through his hair as he continued to murmur in Spanish softly.  Simon could understand enough to know it was terms of endearment and words of encouragement. Raphael was enjoying this as much as he was.  
  
A small voice in the back of Simon's head was still telling him that this was wrong, that drinking Raphael's blood when he was suffering from amnesia was wrong. But Raphael had been insistent, was in that moment and was now so clearly enjoying it. Simon's resolve so weak. Poor excuses, he knew, but for now he found he didn't feel guilty. 

Old powerful blood, older than his anyway, was starting to course through him and he had never felt so close to Raphael before. Nothing before with anyone had ever felt this intimate.  
  
But this was Simon's life and there was an unwritten rule that nothing that good was ever allowed to last, apparently. 

The interruption came from his door being opened by someone who didn't bother to knock first.  
  
For a moment Simon didn't move, partly because Raphael's hand was still holding him in place and partly because he was reluctant to pull away himself even with someone walking in. After all, soon Raphael would remember everything and go back to hating Simon. He'd never taste this again.  
  
"My oh my," It was Magnus's voice, which explained the lack of knocking. He sounded utterly gleeful. "I never knew you had it in you to be so fun, Santiago!"

 Simon started to sit up, slowly though since the strong blood flowing through him seem to be making him feel a little dizzy. The good kind you got when you were just that right amount of tipsy. It wasn't until he was fully sat up that Raphael's fingers left his hair, he couldn't help but notice.  
  
"Or so homoerotic." Magnus added and Simon could still hear the glee and excitement in his voice.  
  
Sitting up fully, Simon was blinking slowly and turned his head towards the intruder and was very aware that his mouth was a bloody mess as he grinned at the warlock.  
  
"Give you a thrill, did we?" 

A throat was cleared loudly in the door way. It was Alec, leaning against the doorpost with his arms folded.  
  
"Don't worry," Simon told him, chuckling a little. "I know he's all yours. Just playing."  
  
Magnus, meanwhile, was still looking like Christmas had come early as he asked "First time tasting sire blood?"  
  
"Obvious, huh?"  
  
"Oh yes."  
  
Alec finally spoke, asking curiously as he looked Simon over. "Maker blood has effects? I thoughts vampire blood only effected mundanes?"

"It creates a stronger bond and so on, older blood on occasion makes young fledglings a tad giddy and judging by Simon's reaction we should be glad that Raphael is rather young himself." Magnus waved his hand, dismissing the subject for the moment though still looking gleeful. "However, before we got distracted by rather surprisingly buff vampires frolicking, we had a report to give, didn't we?"

“I had hoped you had a reason for interrupting us.” Raphael was sounding and looking irritated, which Simon noticed seemed to reassure Magnus as much as it did him. It was good to know that irritation was Raphael's natural reaction to a friend and not just Simon.  
  
Alec sprang into life "Right." He stepped inside and closed the door, taking up that stance he usually had whilst in shadowhunter debriefs: his hands behind back, spine straight as a ruler. The stance that made Simon think of a soldier or Jason Bourne type. Then again, Alec and Jace both had the skills to be kick ass Jason Bourne types. There was a distinct possibility that they could kick Jason Bourne's ass, in fact. 

Simon forced himself off of that train of thought as he realised Alec was already giving his report. He sounded as he did when addressing one of the Shadowhunter teams, issuing orders with his Head of Institute hat on.  
  
"So your second in command has things under control and she's telling the others you had urgent matters to see to with Magnus that may take sometime."

  
"Seemed the best story, vague but believable." Magnus added and Simon was inclined to agree. The most publicly known link between Raphael and Magnus was, after all, Camille. Most would assume they were taking care of that problem. 

"As for the who, why and how of your situation, we haven't a clue. No one knows where you went the night you vanished but we will persevere."  
  
They were no further in curing him but at least Raphael's position at the Dumort was safe, that was a relief to Simon at least. Lily had always been pretty distant towards him but she was loyal and a fierce fighter, he trusted her to protect Raphael.

There must have been some disappointment on his or on Raphael's face because Alec added, in a softer and more natural tone.

"We've got plenty of ideas to work on, hopefully by the time you guys wake up tomorrow evening we'll have something." He reached out and gripped Raphael's shoulder for a moment, the one that hadn't been injured, squeezing it briefly before releasing. “Any shadowhunters we trust, we'll get them looking into leads first thing. Warlock's too.” .  
  
"Thank you for your work." Simon was glad Raphael was talking, he was finding it hard to focus properly. He still felt flushed and light-headed, he probably looked a bit like Jace had earlier in fact. A thought that made him stifle a giggle that was thankfully ignored by everyone else.  
  
"Do you live here also, Magnus? I would like to speak with you then about other matters.'  
  
"I don't live here but I will be staying the night." Magnus confirmed, adding "We can talk on anything you like tomorrow." 

He and Alec were making their way to the door again now that their message had been delivered. Just as Alec opened it, Simon asked.  
  
"Staying tonight? Isn't your mom coming back from Idris in the morning, Alec?" Maryse was still taking the relationship badly which surprised no one at all really.  
  
Alec suddenly cracked a smile, a wicked one that Simon was sure he'd never seen before. "Oh yeah, she is."  
  
Simon laughed, loving this new side of Alec he'd just glimpsed and missed whatever Magnus was saying as the lovers left.  
  
Once alone again, Raphael turned to face Simon. "If our friendship is as Magnus claims, I suspect that report of no news was simply to see what we were up to. He seemed pleased with himself."

He reached up and wiped away some blood away from Simon's lower lip and chin with his thumb and Simon froze. When had Raphael gotten so close? If his heart was still alive, it would have been pounding in his chest by now. Especially as Raphael sucked his own blood from his thumb slowly.  
  
"You are a noisy eater, you know. They probably thought we were up to something entirely different." Raphael continued, smirking a little and Simon struggled to not react too much. As it was, he was pretty sure he was blushing from Raphael's insinuation.  
  
"I um, well, I've never, we've never, I guess. Um. I got carried away, you know?"  
  
Raphael chuckled "I wasn't complaining, baby vamp."  
  
He used the nickname so effortlessly now and it sounded more like a term of endearment than the mocking, teasing one it always had been. Simon was really starting to like it.  
  
"Now, go have more blood whilst I shower. That's an order." Raphael told him firmly.  
  
"Aye, aye captain!" Simon even saluted because he was that kind of dork apparently, determined to embarrass himself repeatedly any chance he got. 

At least Raphael laughed though that only served to remind Simon further that Raphael really was not himself. 

The rest of their evening, well early hours of the morning to any normal person, was spent drinking regular animal's blood and watching sci fi shows whilst Raphael read files from his new tablet and occasionally asked questions. It was rare though that they would be questions Simon could answer though and not just because Raphael lounging on his bed in only a pair of sweatpants was one hell of a distracting sight.

He really was doing his best to not think too much about how much he wanted to jump his gorgeous sire. Tasting Raphael's blood hadn't just made him feel stronger and more aware of his desires but also had simply made him feel closer to Raphael, more connected in a way they'd never been before. Right now Raphael's blood flowed through him, it was an intoxicating thought even as the buzz of drinking the blood wore off steadily.  
  
Through it all, what struck Simon the most was the realisation that by the time it came to going to bed, every part of this unexpectedly domestic scene felt comfortable bordering on natural to him. 

Until, of course, it came to actually going to bed.  
  
"Do you usually have a preferred side?" A simple question asked by Raphael with the same tone of someone asking if you preferred chocolate or strawberry ice cream. It nearly made Simon drop the Star Trek dvd he'd been returning to it's boxset.  
  
It took him longer than it should have for him to respond which resulted in a pillow being flung at him. Admittedly, not the first time Raphael had thrown something in his direction.  
  
"Not fussy." He managed, throwing the soft padded missile back. Again, not the first time he'd thrown something either. That thought only served to remind him though of the first night he'd met Raphael or rather been taken hostage by him. The way Raphael had been so amused by the knife sticking out of his chest. That seemed like a lifetime ago.  
  
Raphael shut off the light and, at Simon's direction, locked the door. He might trust his friends, but Simon didn't trust most of the shadowhunters in the building. Not enough to leave himself vulnerable whilst sleeping anyway. 

Sliding under the covers, Simon was hyper aware of Raphael's every movement. He lay on his back and Raphael settled on his side facing Simon. Simon didn't need to look over to know Raphael was looking at him, he could feel the gaze on him.  
  
Suddenly Simon was the most awake he had ever been, alive or dead. Just a foot or so away from him, lying in his bed was a half naked Raphael Santiago.

  
It was the best kind of torture he had ever felt.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know if you enjoyed, I love reading your comments and hearing what bits you like best 
> 
> I'm hoping to get a little faster with update now that I have a speech to text app I can use when my hands aren't working. It's amazing how much it misunderstands me though! Maybe it's my accent.


End file.
